christmas poem

last year you were healthy and happy this year you spend Christmas in heaven we miss you little man and love you always.


I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular

please wipe away that tear
for I am spending CHRISTMAS

WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear
but the sound of music can't compare

with the CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.

I have no words to tell you

of the JOY their voices bring
for it is beyond description

to HEAR THE ANGELS SING.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending CHRISTMAS

WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I can't tell you of the SPLENDOR

or the PEACE here in this place
Can you just imagine CHRISTMAS

WITH OUR SAVIOR face to face

I'll ask him to lift your spirit

as I tell him of your love
so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER

as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful

and let your spirit sing
for I am spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

and I’m walking WITH THE KING.

unknown

6 months

1/2 a year without you and every day i still wish for one more day with you

well it will be 5 months on sunday

and it still makes me cry almost everyday i miss him so much i am scared i will loose one of my other kids or worse all of them to something or another there are so many things that can happen and you think those things could happen to my family but things do happen to every family and with as much has happened i am terrified more will happen i mean honestly our "new" van the engine went out (it was a 93 so not new) then the house just a few weeks ago flooded because of a stupid toilet now i am staying with my mom at home only 2 days a week i am 30 weeks pregnant and don't have one thing for this baby heck i don't even know if its a girl or boy but i find out on the 28th hopefully if not oh well it has nothing to do with why i haven't gotten anything for baby yet no that has to do with lack of money we just don't have it. my kids are getting older everyday lydia is starting to understand more of whats going on seems to be realizing its not normal the way we live no not at all she asks if she can have something and i tell her not right now and she asks is it because we don't have the money for it? it just breaks my heart i want to get her everything she could want i want to for all my kids and its hard just getting what they need right now it makes me sick thinking we are bringing another baby into this situation i mean honestly we already lost one what happens if we loose another? or worse what if Ross looses his job again? his family that i have finally gotten to know is planning on moving away and then all thats left is his family that doesn't care and never has. i just am at the end of my rope and i don't know how to make it better.

Meet Cookie the Kitten

Lydia and daddy named him that for Albie since he said that all the time

3 months yesterday

and it still is ripping us apart inside and out
now i have anxiety issues and sleeping problems not to mention
the problems my husband and i are having life just keep getting worse
the past year has gone from bad to worse and i am beginning to think the world
is just out to get us. i so just wish it was over all of it next month we celebrate his second birthday without him that doesn't change anything he will never see it and will forever be 21 months 3 days old

next month.

we should be planning a second birthday a first birthday and a 4 birthday this summer instead....we will be doing a 4th birthday only (Isaac wont remember anyways and all he will do is cry so don't think we'll do one for him i was going to do them together) it makes me sad to think that so soon will be his birthday the first one he isn't here to see, life moves on though we will take some balloons to the cemetery and have cupcakes with Lydia for his birthday.

Oh how life goes on...

I wish it went back so i could hear your little voice again Albie we miss you so much we have been with out your little giggles and smiles for a month now i would give about anything to get you back but i know nothing will bring you back so until i meet you again in heaven i love you and hope that god has you and every other little child in his arms keeping you safe till we are there for you.